UKS

I wanted to share with you information about an emerging new chronic condition more and more parents are being diagnosed with. According to psycho-therapist at the AIBS (that’s American Institute of Bull S%#!) more and more parents are not owning up to the fact that they are suffering from UKS (that’s Ugly Kid Syndrome).

Dr. Brown of the AIBS explains that new parents become overwhelmed with the joy of having a new baby that they completely overlook how unattractive the child really is. This can last from anywhere from the first day of giving birth to eternity. New parents with UKS often invite unsuspecting friends and family members for a viewing of the unattractive child, which usually renders the friend or family member in a helpless and awkward position of not insulting the parent or child. This has become a strain on otherwise healthy and positive relationships; due to the fact that we feel that it is our humane obligation to be considerate and tactful when dealing with one’s feelings.

The devastating epidemic has been on the rise due to drunken one night stands, thinking beauty is in the eye of the beholder, poor decision making when choosing mates, swimming in the pool of bad genes, and the ladies’ all time favorite: lowering standards. For women and men both should be mindful of these things well before considering going “bare”.

Some of the symptoms according to the AIBS include but aren’t limited to: Friends and family members visits become shorter and shorter to not at all. Not being able to find a babysitter. Sudden change in conversation when you start to ramble about the cutest thing lil Eugene did. Feeling compelled to name the child anything from Eugene to Beavis. People comment more on the child’s outfit than how adorable you claim they are. The dog is uninterested in playing with the child. You often hear the comment ‘a face only a mother can love’. This list can go on folks, but I want you all to be aware that you could possibly be suffering from UKS and not know it.

I feel this is my duty to share this information with you, because I also temporarily suffered from UKS. Yes, me. Those of you who know me know that I have 3 gorgeous children (or so I was told…hmmmm), however my middle one was not the most cuddly looking-est child (Yes, I said cuddly looking-est). She was born looking like she needed to stay in the oven for 3 more weeks. She looked like an alien of sorts basically. However as she became older and “grew into her looks” her ugly days are long behind her and I have been relieved of UKS. It’s a tough pill to swallow, but to save man-kind we should all be aware of Ugly Kid Syndrome.

I'm Dani Doyle, and that's my word.